Three weeks ago, I had a baby. And it was SO much fun!
I know, I know, you don't believe me. No one does. They look at me like I'm crazy and say "You had...fun?" Then I tell them it was a completely natural birth, and they really can't believe me.
No drugs. No epidural, all natural, 100 percent FUN! I was even at a, now prepare yourself, Navy Hotel Hospital. *Gasp* Oh, and I think I should also mention, it didn't hurt. Now I really see you shaking your head in disbelief. I had to work, yeah-I had to breath, certainly, but it was so wonderful! A truly delightful day! It started at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up and felt three rolling contractions one right after the other. They weren't uncomfortable so I went back to sleep. I got up a half hour later and noticed I was bleeding. This concerned me so I called the hospital and they asked me to come in and make sure it was just cervical change and nothing else.
Hubby came home from work and escorted me to the hospital. They checked me out and everything was just fine, I was having more consistent contractions (which I couldn't even feel other than some tightening) and I was already dilated to a four. The doctor wanted me to stay since my first birth happened very quickly, I thought that sounded like a good idea. They told me that if I wasn't progressing in three or four hours they would look into inducing me. This would not be my first choice so I hesitated, but I had a feeling I'd be fine so I checked in to the hospital. Josh and I had our five year old with us, so Josh left to pick up grandma and drop Scotty off at home.
Then I started walking...
It took me about three minutes to walk one loop around the entire birthing wing and I was having two contractions per loop, so I knew my body was doing good work. The contractions still weren't strong enough to warrant me breathing through them so I just walked through them. It was grand! I felt so energized, and so strong! Every time I had a contraction I would relax my pelvic floor as much as possible while still walking. I was moving at a brisk pace and had made it 12 laps when Josh showed up! I waved happily to him and said "Hey, wanna go for a walk!?" He smiled and joined me.
I felt so excited. As I walked with Josh I told him I felt like all of heaven was with me to see this baby be born. I felt accompanied by angels, I felt that I was surrounded by family. "This is a birth day party!" I laughed as I described the feelings of joy and celebration I was experiencing. I took a short break for lunch (Josh brought me a bunch of favorite food from home) and we took a short video updating our progress. Then my wonderful nurse and personal cheerleader (Suzanne) came in to check my progress.
"Well, you are dilated to a six-you are progressing nicely"
"Great!" I smiled "So, is this considered active labor now? Because I feel fantastic, these contractions are great!"
She looked at me in disbelief "I have never had anyone need to ask me if they are in active labor, YES you are in active labor" she laughed.
"Awesome, I think I'll go walk some more, but I feel these contractions are bringing me closer to my next stage of labor, will you start a bath for me?"
So Josh and I were off and walking and my bath was running. I had people literally cheering me on at this point, nurses and doctors (all Navy folks) told me I should be the new poster kid for PRT's, (physical readiness tests) and that if anyone ever complained about running the PRT they'd tell them about me charging laps around the birth center while in labor!
"This is the best day ever!" I told Josh as we walked "I get to do all my favorite things! Walk with you, talk with you, I have your total attention no distractions AND I get to go take a bath in a little while!"
Pretty soon my contractions were strong enough that I needed to breathe through them, but I never slowed my walking pace, I continued to relax through the contractions and still had no terrible pain. My back ached quite a bit but as long as I breathed deeply I felt wonderful.
After a while I felt like my body wanted to stop walking. (We'd done over 40 laps I think.) So I went back to my room and relaxed in the bathtub for a while.
It was blissful!
My mood shifted from excited to introspective and I knew I moving into the next stage of labor. I meditated and imagined seeing my baby moving and dancing through my body. I filled him with golden light and spoke to him softly telling him he was safe and that we were making this journey together. I felt so connected to him.
I wrote a little song for him, expressing my love and gratitude for him. As more contractions came I hung over the edge of the tub and imagined blowing long warm gusts of breath right into the tightness to soften it and blow it away. I also focused on relaxing the pelvic floor and bore down just slightly, gently pushing just enough to feel slight pressure but not applying any force or deep work, it wasn't time for that yet. Between contractions I laid back in the warm water and sang to my baby.
My nurse and doctor (who also happened to be a certified midwife, I just lucked out that day, you never know who you'll get at the hospital!) came in to check on me.
"You look so deeply relaxed it's like you are at a spa!" They both marveled.
"I feel like I'm at the spa!" I replied "I'm having a wonderful time!"
"Well, you are dilated to a nine, we're just going to stay here with you for a little while, let us know if you feel the need to push."
A few more lovely contractions and then suddenly I had a beautifully powerful contraction that told me to push. So I let my doctor know it was time to get out of the tub. They helped me out of the water and into my bed where I climbed up slowly and before I could turn over and lay down I had a massively powerful, magnificent contraction. My water broke and a glorious rush of water released an enormous pressure from within me. I felt a significant change come over me as I became the most powerful version of myself. Totally overcome by a primal instinct that told me exactly when to push and when to relax. I was in "child's pose" and this was perfect for me, Josh helped rub my back and that grounded me. Feeling his touch and knowing he was there added to my strength and courage.
At this point I was experiencing intense pressure and contractions. I was working with all my might to bring my baby into the world and it was exhilarating. Pushing felt so incredibly satisfying and important. This stage of labor was definitely filled with the most concentrated physical sensation. Especially building up to the ring of fire. The burning signaled my body to pause and wait, I was stunned by the incredible heat. When the burning stopped my body moved into a tremendous force of action and my mind focused keenly on the work at hand. Then a wave of relief swept all throughout me as time froze within that marvelous moment when my baby slid right from out of my body. I reached down and held his long, tiny body in my hands staring at him in awe, and then the tears of sheer joy came and I smiled at him and said "I wanted you so much."
Then my little Theodore nestled into my arms and we sat back and stared into each other's eyes until he was ready to nurse.
Transition lasted all but fifteen minutes, and was the only time during labor I experienced anything a person might call "pain." I hesitate to use that word. It was incredible work. And truly an intense experience, but to call it painful just doesn't feel right. Pain signals something is wrong, it stops us dead in our tracks and fills us with panic so that we stop and don't further damage ourselves.
But there was never anything wrong-nothing to stop. I only felt my body give me prompts to breathe, relax, look into myself, push, pause, work, rest, grunt, wail or moan. I saw all physical sensation as communication, my body, my baby and God were in control and I just surrendered, I trusted and allowed this grand experience to lead me, knowing that the wisdom of all the ages, all the intuitive, primal know how to birth was already within me. Every cell in my body knew exactly what to do in each and every moment leading up to the arrival of my son. I think they should call transition, transformation. In that moment you are becoming something new. A new person, you let down all the walls and perceptions you had of yourself before and fill your entire being with one purpose-to become a mother. You breathe, you grunt, you moan, you sing a song in a voice you've never heard and it's beautiful. It calls you to another place, a place of power and courage. You marvel to discover that this is you, a new you, a better you. Then they place him in your arms, that perfect little person and the world is changed forever, because you had the strength, and courage to live, to feel, and to hold nothing back.
That, my sisters is birth.
And there is nothing to fear.
It's actually wonderfully fun.
Because no matter what-no matter your story, or whether it goes perfectly or not, you had complications or you didn't, you were exhausted, you chose another way, another way was chosen for you, it was what you hoped for it wasn't what you hoped for, you had a cesarean, you had a vaginal birth, an all natural birth, you just needed a little something to take the edge off, you were at home, you were in the water, you were at a hospital, you had an epidural, you didn't, you were on your back, your side, all fours, you squatted, in the end it just doesn't matter, all that matters is that you did it. One way or another,
you did it.
And you see him for the first time, and it's all worth it.
He came at 6:26 that same evening. His life is a gift, His labor was a gift. To experience birth in such a peaceful, joyful, empowering way was so wonderful and so humbling. I wonder, what I could have done to deserve such a blessing. He is my fifth child. Only the second to hold in my arms, but the fifth I hold in my heart. After my first was born, I had three miscarriages before getting my little Teddy. Perhaps the pain of those losses filled me with gratitude for everything I was experiencing during the labor. I was truly grateful for every contraction, every transition from one phase into the next knowing it was bringing me ever closer to looking into this little angel baby's eyes.
Whoever is lead to read this, I hope you will take heart. I hope you will have courage, and faith and most of all gratitude for the babes you've brought into this world, for the ones you are bringing now, for the ones you hope and pray to bring. Trust in God's power and the power He gives you as a woman to perform this miracle of miracles-the miracle of becoming a mother.
