The Harvard Kiss

Our kisses have become a language of their own, filled with the intricate complexities of profound expression. They have a nuance and cadence unique to the love that is ours. There is the  kiss goodbye each morning as Josh leaves for work, wishing me a good morning and a happy day. There are the quick playful kisses in the kitchen and the magnificent kisses in the bedroom. They all finish the message words alone could never completely convey.

We fell back onto the bed, he and I-staring up at the ceiling, dizzy with the news. It all felt so surreal, the letter he received in his inbox still singing in our ears, its first sentence repeating itself over and over in our heads,

"The answer is YES!"

"The answer is YES!"

"The answer is YES!"

I felt as though we'd just finished a marathon, and in a sense that's exactly what we'd done. We'd been racing toward the Harvard dream together for years now. All the preparing, dreaming, and studying, the interviews were behind us and then there was the waiting. The final 12 hours before we got word were exhausting. Wondering what our future held, and now, at last we knew.

He propped himself up on his elbow and looked at me, I could see the words peeking out through his eyes I could feel them forming in his throat, and then, he kissed me. And all those words which had been trying to surface found their way deep into my heart, I could feel them with every breath we shared, with every caress, with every meeting of our lips...

 "Thank you for believing in me" the kiss said "thank you, thank you!"

That kiss will be forever marked in my mind as the Harvard Kiss. A kiss that celebrated all the excitement of a dream come true.


Read more of our Harvard story here The Ten Day MBA

And check out my amazing photographer's website here

And now....we wait.

I got up early the morning of Josh's interview and painted this little tiger for him on a 3x5 piece of scrap watercolor paper.

No use sleeping. Much too excited, might as well paint.

I hid it inside the inner breast pocket in the jacket he was wearing for the interview.

The possibility of business school shines brighter and brighter on the horizon. 

Let the quest begin!

We find out December 11, if and where he's been accepted.

A Tribute To My Beloved Uncle Kyle

Courage.

To stand at the edge

And look down

The clear deep water

So far below,

Beckons.

You take a fast breath

And dive.

The bonds of gravity

Falling free

You fly.

Courage.

To stand at the edge

And look up

The clear eternal skies of heaven

So far above,

Beckons.

You take your last breath

And dive.

The bonds of illness

Falling free

You fly.

In honor of the most courageous man I've ever known, my beloved uncle Kyle. Who is at last free from the debilitating bonds of MS. Who never let illness stop him from loving, serving and working. Who continually trusted in the Lord and His goodness, and taught others to trust in Him, even when life is incredibly hard.

My mom always talked about her brother's great athleticism as a college diver, I imagined him diving into the heavens like he would dive into the water, full of courage and grace. I'm sad I never got to see him dive. I'm sad I won't hear his voice again, or his laugh for a long time. I'm sad that his family had to say goodbye to him while he was still so young, while they were still so young. I'm sad that his sweet, beautiful wife had to let him go. Her courage and love inspires me so deeply. 

But I'm grateful that he is my uncle. I'm grateful for his incredible example of courage and faith. And I'm grateful that he has a place in that magnificent heart of his, that loves me, a little niece-who will always, and forever love him too. 

A Reflection of Beauty

Last night my husband drew a bath and invited me in. It's our favorite nightly ritual, we scarcely miss an evening. We turn on music, turn off the lights and let the warm water melt us together.

Our oldest asleep in his bed our newborn swinging in his swing just outside the door where we could watch him. Usually he sleeps too, but tonight he fussed and cried wanting a moment in my arms.

So I climbed out of the tub and scooped him up for a snuggle. Standing there in front of the mirror the floor soaking where I stood, I caught a glimpse of my bare body in the mirror. I watched myself for a moment while I rocked and swayed my little one.

I saw my arms holding the most wonderful creature I've ever beheld, how can arms holding such wonder not be wonderful too?

 I saw his perfect little head nestled on my shoulder. How can shoulders supporting such perfection not be perfect too?

I saw breasts that hung much lower than they did when I was twenty four, before I had my first baby. But how could breasts that give life and nourishment to this miracle not be a miracle too?

I saw a belly still swollen slightly, the skin stretched from accommodating this lovely boy inside my body for nine months and I thought how can a belly that carried such a lovely babe, not be lovely too?

And I looked over at my husband gazing at us both and he smiled at me, "You are so beautiful..." He said.

And my heart agreed, Yes, I am beautiful.
For by the beauty alone I have brought into this world,
How could I not be beautiful too?


This stunning photo taken by EllCee Photography

A letter to my Sonny.

Dear Scott,

You made it to school today just as your class lined up and started walking through the front door. "Go catch your class!" I told you as you raced out the car and down the sidewalk. I watched you as you ran, your bright red "Cars" back pack bouncing on your shoulders, your left  hand holding tight to your navy blue coat that trailed behind you like a flag, Your right hand clutching the top of your pants long enough in the legs but too wide in the waist. And as you ran at top speed I called out "Have a wonderful day, I LOVE YOU SCOTT!" And the autumn wind carried your sweet little voice through the yellow-orange leaves adorning the trees, and skipped up the sidewalk and jumped into my ears and landed in my heart "I LOVE YOU TOOOOO!" You called back as you joined your class.

I love you too.

I love you too.

I love you too.

Those words have been echoing in my ears all day. In your beautiful five year old voice. A voice that will deepen in the coming years into the voice of a man. And my dearest wish as your mother is that as you run full speed toward your destiny, a kind wind will carry my voice to you, wherever you are, and you will hear it echo in your heart "Have a wonderful life, I love you Scott!" And that you will still be calling back to me as I wave, "I love you too...I love you too."

Love,

Mom

Photo by EllCee Photography

Create your own romance

Romance is beauty, it's art, it's music, it is the creative expression of the soul. I crave romance, with an appetite that can never be satisfied. Once I taste it, I only get hungry for more. Romance awakens my senses to the life in every moment, it is the ultimate feeling of my existence.

Our courtship was a delicious feast of the romantic. Oh how he listened to me. Gazed into my eyes over a candle lit dinner, he spoke excitedly of the future, he brought me flowers. He wrote me poetry. His romantic inclinations were a window into my own heart. Or so I thought. What I perceived to be a window was really a mirror. Showing me how much I needed romance. During this time of courtship he had the time and biological drive to swoon me off my feet. It was his goal to win my heart. I was his greatest focus, I had his full attention and it felt incredible. I wanted it to last forever. So I married him.

Then I noticed a shift. His focus included school and career, and soon there was a little one to provide for. His very own son. There was more to his life than finding ways to satisfy my longing for the romantic. But my longing for the romantic did not diminish, it intensified. Exponentially.

It was impossible for him to give me all I needed to be happy. I learned to feed my own hungry soul with the romantic. I took romance into my own hands. And I was satisfied! More than satisfied, I was thriving and  living a happy joyous marriage! I scrap-booked, I hung hearts from our ceiling, I decorated, I sang, I planned date nights, I took bubble baths, I went on long beautiful walks. And soon he was eager to join in the fun! It was not his obligation to romance me, I simply invited him into my world of romance where he became the guest of honor! I was already content, and joyful, anything Josh gave me in addition ran me over till I was overflowing with happiness. Every "I love you" every "You are so beautiful" every surprise bouquet of flowers, or walk along the pier, was the cherry on my Sunday. He was free to love me just as he chose, because I wasn't telling him I needed him to be more romantic. Or resenting him for not fulfilling my need for romance. And he loved me beautifully.

We are born to fly amid the skies of creative expression, and romance is the ultimate creative expression. It sings, it paints, it soaks in candle lit bubble baths, it dances, it bakes brownies, it designs, it is a fashionista, it composes magnificent sonnets, it kisses, it snuggles, it bonds, our heart beats, our lungs breathe, our eyes see, and our souls create romance.

When we spread our own wings and take flight among those clouds he will marvel at your grace and beauty in the sky. You can lift him from the drudgery and weight of the world, when you create the romance and invite him to join you, he will most readily respond. Now he is free from the impossible task of flying for you. He is free of your disappointment, he is free from not being enough. He is free from failing you. Now, anything he gives you is wind beneath your wings, always more than you could have dreamed of, he can never fail. When a man knows he cannot fail, watch him do the extraordinary! You have taken your happiness into your own hands, and now he is free to simply love you. 

Welcome to the glorious world, of true love.

These fabulous photos taken by EllCee Photography

Counting

I don't count sheep lately.

I count late night nursings
And early morning burpings.

I count the monsters I scared away from my five year old's room
And the coins the tooth fairy left for his lost teeth.
I count ten little piggies and "one more bedtime story please..."

I count how fast we can get our shoes on before kindergarten starts.

I count loads of laundry and stacks of dishes
I count out change at the grocery store
And sometimes I count to ten
And take really deep breaths.

But most of all
I count my blessings.

A husband I can always count on,
And two little boys who call me mom.

You see, the way I figure it
everything adds up.

I see the sum of my life
In a million little moments
That seem so insignificant
But are actually the bits and pieces
That make sense of everything

Because at the end of the day
What counts most is always
And forever
Love.


This beautiful photo was taken by EllCee Photography